Fade into the background...

I don't know...

Does that describe how I've been feeling? It's not like the " I don't know " as in I do know, but I don't want to say it, but I seriously DO NOT know how I'm feeling or what's going through my mind. For the first time in my life, I feel completely and TRULY lost... I feel as if every pigment of my skin is slowly disappearing into thin air so soon enough it won't even feel like I even exist on the face of this planet. I don't know what it is I should do to get rid of this misery. I've never had such a horrible and miserable week in my whole life even when life was fucked up to the core. I feel like as if my life has been so bitterly unproductive that my profound uselessness is making me feel as if I'm rotting away. It doesn't feel as if I'm depressed, but rather than that I'm so damn stressed. I just want to scream to the top of my lungs and have the wind push me back onto my knees. I'm painfully suffocating due to being trapped in an unknown compartment and I need to be released to suck in some form of oxygen. I'm deeply paranoid that there may be no solution to this " broken " me and at this point, even maybe a simple distraction may not be able " help " me. Wherever I am right now, I don't want to be here. I want to hide, run away, disappear wherever the relief may be. I just want to leave and run and see where I could possibly end up. If there was a word deeper than the meaning for " empty ", I'm residing in those terms. I just want a hand to hold on to, but that doesn't seem possible right now because no one seems to understand the type of consolation I'm seeking for. The face I'm wearing, I'm guessing is quite a disguise to the common folks. Ha. Ha. Ha.

The worst thing would be is if we were to drift away from each other, but it's not even close to that and it seems as if we're at the point to no return. We're still here in each other's presence, but it feels as if we lost each other. We lost each other's significance. Many signs show and try to prove that we're meant to be, and that's what I want to sincerely believe because I love you very much so. I hope you can read the signs and try to rescue me. All this time, I've still been trying to do it alone, but I honestly can't, I cannot do this without you. Please don't forget me. It's starting to feel as if everyone else has, but please, I need you. You're my best friend. If it feels as if I've been neglecting you, I'm not purposely trying not to... It's just, I've lost my sense of thought and mind therefore technical difficulties serve me not to spreak in proper terms with you. It's not you, it's me. I don't remember how to converse anymore and now that it's been almost a while, it feels better to just be close-mouthed.

Like you didn't even hear a sound, right?